Van and the Beanstalk
by Fire Champion
Summary: The little artist Van, worked saving up money. When he "buys" magic beans. He discovers a beanstalk growing in his front yard.


What was I thinking when I wrote this? This is a story I wrote awhile ago, but completely forgot about until I found it on a floppy disk. Hope you find it funny, maybe you will, may you won't. This had been part of a late idea, I had of writing famous fairy tales with Chrono Cross characters in them. This was one of my first.  
  
VAN AND THE BEANSTALK  
  
Once a upon a time in the merry town of Termina, there lived a poor family. The family had been made up of only two members. A father, Gogh and his son, Van. The two hadn't been very close dued to different believes. Gogh wanted to be a famous painter, and hoped people would be able to understand his work like he did. While his son Van, only thought of ways of getting richer by the minute. The two fought a few times, it wasn't anything big just that a normal your father-son fights.  
  
"Your crazy old man, if you don't sell any of your paints we'll starve to death." Van protested, but he father refused to listen. "Please Van, understand my works are important to me. There apart of me, I can't just sell them." Van couldn't take it anymore, and angrily yelled. "Your a coward, you been hiding behide your damn paintings ever since mom died!" Gogh eyes shot wide open. Upon realizing what his son said was partly right. This past wife love his paintings, he felt by selling the paintings, he would sell her away as well. "I am selfish, aren't I, Van!" he asked looking towards him with heart broken eyes. "Dad.. I'm.." Gogh put his hand out to stop him. "No your right, you have every reason to hate me."  
  
"Van I'm sorry," he cried as he pulled Van into a compassionate hug. "It okay.. dad. I'll sure we'll survive." He replied patting him softly on the back. "Thank you Van. It's late, you should really go to bed." Van nodded. As he slowly made his way to his bed, a thought accorded to him. "I now see why he couldn't sell his paintings, he's become a bigger wreak without mom. I'm going to have to think of a way to made money without him selling his paintings. Now that I think about it, when I fought monsters, I did made a pretty penny. So tomorrow, I'll go fight those Bubba Dingos in the Fossil Valley." He sleepily said as his head hit the hard mattress.  
  
~ Very Early Next Morning ~  
  
Van slowly made his way down the path of Fossil Valley along with his trusty boomarange by his side. "Here Dingo Dingo," Van chanted wanting to end a few battles quick, so he could go back to bed. A small cute baby Dingo made it's way down to Van's feet just after he finished chanting. It looked up towards him, and gave him a cute little roar. "Awww. It's that cute." Van admitted. Just before he threw his boomarange towards the baby causing him to crash into a wall killing him instantly. "I feel sorry for the little guy.. almost." He chucked. Van strolled towards the place to where the baby's corspe laid. He found a 10G piece. "This is going to take longer than I thought.   
  
After killing many of the Bubba Dingo familys in endless battles. It lefted him pretty much tired, as he needed to carry the boomarange with his mouth, since he couldn't move his arms, and all it earned him was about 200G. "Well, this should last us a month or so if spented properly."  
  
After coming back home to Termina, his arms luckily healed some on the way there. It at least allowed him to carry the money in his purse. As he found a drunk Nikki walking out of the Termina bar, upon seeing him. Van instantly prayed to Fate, that Nikki wouldn't see him. Van slowly placed his back towards the inn's wall. Luckily Nikki had been too drunk to see anything, and fell over. This was Van's chance as he dashed past Nikki, running the corner. The poor boy ran so fast, he didn't see the Merchant in front of him and ended up crashing into him. The purse flew onto the ground next to the Merchants feet. "Are you alright?" he asked. Van shook his head. "Do I look alright to you!" He said crambling on the floor looking for something. "Can I help you!" The merchant finally replied as Van found what he was looking for his glasses. Now he quickly grabbed the purse, and tried to made his way back home.  
  
"Hey kid, how much money do you have there?" asked the greedy Merchant. "None of your damn business." he said as he turned covered his purse with his other hand. "You want to look at my merchandise?" he asked. "No, I must be going home." Van turned his head back to the sells tabel and saw something of interest.. It was a small pouch of small green beans. Just as he saw it, his stomach started to growl. "How much for those beans?" Van asked hungry. "5,000 G." replied the Merchant casually. Van could believe his ears. "What 5,000 G for some bag of beans!" The Merchant looked to both his sides before whispering to Van. "These are not ordinary beans, thier magic beans. It is said that if you plant them a bean stalk will grow and you will be able to climb the bean stalk and find tresures be on your wild dreams."  
  
"Oh wow," Van said in a excited sarcastic tone. "But If this place has treasure, why don't you plant them and get the tresure yourself?" he questioned giving the Merchant a strange look in the face. "Are you kidding, there's no telling what the Giant will do to me if he finds me trying to steal his treasure," When he said that the Merchant instantly slapped his head. "I bet now that I told you about the giant you won't buy my beans." He replied stupidly. Van sighed. "I wasn't going to buy your beans anyways." The Merchant upon hearding this, started to cry. "No one will buy my beans, it's because I tell everyone about the Giant isn't it?" He asked.  
  
"Maybe no one will buy your beans because their overly expenses, people thing your making up that story to become richer, that or people think your just plain crazy." Van reasoned. "Ok then how much do you think I should sell them for?" asked the merchant interest in what Van was saying. "Why are you asking me? I don't know maybe a price people can afford." The merchant thought for a minute. "How about 4000G?" asked the Merchant. "No too high." replied Van. "How's 3000?" asked the Merchant. "Still too high," replied Van. "Okay 2500." he continued naming down prices. "You got wax in your ears it's still too high!" Van erupted. "Fine 1000." He finally replied sure it would seal the deal. "No wonder, no one bought anything from you it still too high."  
  
"How much would you buy it for smarty pants." He asked, Van only shrugged. "I don't know how about 200 G." Van offered. "Okay Sold!" replied the merchant happily. "What!! I didn't buy them."  
  
"Yes, you did for 200G." Van and the merchant continued arguing. "No, you didn't." The merchant said confusing Van at the last minute. "Yes, I did for 200 G!" Van quickly shot back. The merchant had a wide smile from the little arguement he won. This told Van, he had been tricked. "Okay fine, I'll buy them just don't say anything." He muttered while handing the merchant the money from his purse, he received the "magic" beans and silently walked back home.  
  
"I can't believe after I defeated all those Bubba Dingos , I end up wasting my money for some beans he said toss the bag of "magic" bags in the air and catching it once again." As he reached the doorway to his house, he looked at his bag carefully. "Oh well might as well eat them." Taking out the beans he popped them all into his mouth. After a few chews. He quickly spit them out. "Damn beans don't even tastle good." The bean land a few feet away from his house. Turning the door knob, he is greeted by his father as he stop his painting and turned his head to face his son. "Why are you so sad?" Gogh asked seeing the look on Van face. "I'm not sad, I'm pissed because I was tricked by a merchant to buy some beans."  
  
"Son you will learn that in life, when you make a few mistakes. You are suppose to remember the experience, for it will help you decide on wiser decisions in the future." Gogh explained. "Are you kidding, I'm going to bed and try to forget that any of this ever happend!" With a small sigh Gogh laid his paint brush down on his canvas "Good night son." Gogh responded picking up another brush. "Yeah, you too dad." Van said softly before hitting the hay.  
  
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~ The Next Morning ~  
  
Van woke up when he heard a strange noise coming from outside his house. "Where in the name of fate is that noise coming from?" he replied trying to cover his ears from the noise with his blankets. But it didn't would, soon he gave up all together. "That's it!" he yelled runnng to his closet grabbing his boomarange. "What ever it is, I'm going to stop it." He opened the door and found a gigantic beanstalk growing outside his house. Van stood with his eyes wide opened, "I can't that merchant was telling the truth. I wonder if that part about the tresure was also true, if it is I'll be the richest boy in all of El Nido. Giant or no giant."  
  
He eagerly climbed the beanstalk as he reached the top of the stalk, he noticed it lead him to a kingdom on the clouds for he saw a large building in the distance. Upon walking closer, he found that it was actually a giant castle. It had somehow been bigger than the beanstalk itself. "Hey what a castle doing here in the sky? Oh well I'm not surpise, it probably where that giant lives but no for long." He said with a hint of a smile. As he raced to the castle he notice something strange about the castle. He remember seeing this castle in a book before, but where was it?"  
  
"Hey, I remember now. It looks like the castle in Guardia, but I thought that Guardia was destoryed 20 years ago," He recalled. "Oh well, who cares as long as I get my treasure." Van made his way to the castle's stairs. "Oh crap, how am I going to climb those stairs." He thought for a minute.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity. He made it to the top. "Man, I'm tired and I'm only on the second stair. just think Van, your going to be rich's boy in the world." he said to himself over and over again until he reached the very top of all the stairs. He faced his next problem, the door. He knew he couldn't knock on the door, so he decide to go under the door instead. As he somehow slipped under the crack of the door, he heard someone yelling in a loud voice.   
  
"HE HI HO OY, I SMELL THE BLOOD OF A BLUE HAIRED BOY!" howled a voice deep within the castle walls. "Aren't you suppose to say Fe Fi Fo Fum, you stupid giant?" Van screamed not wanting to hear the giant vioce again. "WHAT!" The ground started to shake as the sound of the Giant's foot steps made contact with the floor. Van's body shook rapidly. The giant made his presences known as he jump in mid-air and landed with a loud bang. Van couldn't believe the giant, he was wearing a uniform of a middle aged knight along with a helmet to go with it. "DON'T CALL ME A STUPID GIANT, I HAVE A NAME THANK YOU, IT'S ZOAH!"  
  
"I know that Zoah, but why are you a giant giant?" Van asked, part of him not wanting to know. "WELL IT'S ALONG STORY BUT STARKY TURNED ME INTO A GIANT BECAUSE I CALL HIM A PIKIMIN REJECT." Van chuckled. "Well isn't he, he looks like something Nintendo would create." After saying that commet, Van kept turning his head often to make sure a particular someone hadn't heard what he said. "WELL SINCE, YOUR HERE. I'M GONNA GRIND YOUR BONES TO MADE MY BREAD."   
  
"Couldn't we just order, take out?" Van replied. Zoah grabbed the tiny Van and stuff him in a jar."I'LL KEEP YOU IN THERE, UNTIL I GET HUNGRY," He added with a mischief laugh. "DO YOU HAVE ANY LAST REQUEST BEFORE I EAT YOU?" Van thought for a minute, before replying.  
  
"Yeah, can you tell me why you alway yell?"  
  
"YELLING I'M NOT YELLING, THIS IS MY NORMAL SPEAKING VOICE, YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME YELL!" Zoah grab hold on the jar and started walking. Van could see through the plastic glass. The insides of the castle looks like the old Guardia castle as well as the outside did. But something told him he wasn't in Guardia castle. "What's that smell?" Van replied to himself. As he looked up at Zoah. "IT WASN'T ME!" Zoah said set the jar on a wooden table. "Now, I'm sure this isn't Guardia castle, it couldn't smell this bad. It smells like Zoah's room in Viper Manor." Van quickly found himself covered his nose. As Zoah lefted the room, Van noticed that something else had been in the jar with him.  
  
In the corner of the jar, laid a pile of bones. "Okay, now I know he wasn't kidding about grin you bones to make my bread bit." Van studied the bone pile, soon the pile came to life. It formed a skeleton clown, including that of a round red nose, and tall pointy hat. He looked towards Van, and gave a cheerful smile. "Hello I'm Skelly the clown." Van giving him a concern look, decide for best to play along since Zoah gave him a headache from before. "Yeah, do you know how do get out of here?" Skelly gave him a puzzle look. "You'll have to wait until Zoah eats us." Van held his anger in trying not to kill Skelly anymore than he was. "Okay.. I have an idea, how about we break out of here?"   
  
"Why?" Skelly asked curiously. "Too bad, your brain didn't survive. I'll need your help anyways, Skelly." The skeleton nodded. "We're going to lean on the side of the jar. Then the jar will tip over, cause it to fall to the ground." Skelly nodded once again. Van and Skelly leaned towards the jar, and it feel onto the floor like planned. Luckily Van didn't get hurt, but Skelly. "I can't feel my legs." he cried depressingly. Van sighed. The skeleton was once again a pile of bones. Quickly not wasting a second, Van rebuilt him. The two made of to the exit. But unfortunately Van heard a familiar voice deep within the castle chanting over and over. "WHO'S MY PRETTY KITTY?"   
  
"Hey Skelly, what's Zoah talking about?" Van asked while they continued to run for their lives. "Oh that's his golden cat statue. It's suppose to be worth millions and millions." Van instantly frozed in his tracks upon hearding this. "I need that cat statue."   
  
"KITTY!" The giant Zoah happily proclaimed. The statue hadn't been very big, it was about the size of an ordinary cat. He held the cat it on his pinky finger. "I'M TIRED, I'LL EAT MY FRIENDS LATER." He let out a deep yawn. He decided that for the best, he would put the statue on the floor in his room. Van quietly slip in the room, with Skelly behide trying to talk him out of it. "Yes, that idiot even put it on the ground for us." Slowly not to wake him he stoled the cat statue, and slid itunder his shirt. "You can't steal that, only certain characters like Kid, Mel, and Fargo know that command."  
  
"For someone who can operate without a brain, heart or stomach. You sure do talk alot." Van countered. "At least, I'm not a small four eyed freak, who's tech skills are painting the enemy different colors, or attacking them with your piggy bank." Van crossed his arms while saying. "Look who's talking Mr. I can blow big bubbles and eat food without any intestinals. The two tangled, disputing with one another. The fight had been so loud, the giant himself awoke. "HEY WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP SO I CAN SLEEP?" he sleepily yelled. Before yawning two times, he remember.. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF YOUR JAR, AND WITH MY CAT?" Van wondered how he could have seen him, but found the tail had hung out of his shirt. "Cat, what cat?" Van replied trying to sound naive. "Maybe we should run?" asked Skelly who started. "Wait for me!" called the boy while Zoah ran after the two.  
  
The two made there way outside. What seemed like hours of climbing, now turned into seconds of running down the steep stairs. But Zoah had still been on their tail. The cloud that held them, and the castle didn't matter to Van. Soon he would be home, forgetting all this ever hadn't, and the money he would recieve after cashing in the cat insure that. The two made their way down the beanstalk. Frantically they climbed down. "Wow, what a sight. I can see my grandma's house from up here." Skelly called forth. Van grinned, all his hard work paid off. Soon his father would be able to live a happy life painting, while he could finally eat some good food.  
  
"Hey lad," called an rough old voice next to house. "what are ya doing up there?" Van looked down to see a strong bearded man. "It's along story, Zappa." Van replied trying not to slip. Soon the sound of the giant trying to climb down after them was heard. "Oh no, he's coming." Van said before Skelly started to whimper. "Don't worry boys," Zappa called running back into his shop. He quickly appeared with an axe that started to change different colors. "I'll save ya!" Zappa said gripping the handle for all it's worth, swinging it straight at the stalk. The stalk made a metallic sound as the rainbow axe instantly broken into millions of pieces. "My life work!" he cried. "Thanks a lot!" replied Van sarcastically.   
  
"Your welcome," Zappa replied running back into shop. Van only stood his head in disbelief. The giant Zoah, now had been in reach of Van and instantly grabbed him. "I GOT YOU NOW!" he crackled evilly. Van was lefted with only one choice, he sunk his teeth into Zoah hand. "Owwww..." He cried, before falling off the stalk with Van still in his hand.   
  
~ Meanwhile Down in Termina's Stream ~  
  
A red mohawked teenager, sat on his raft fishing for a few 1inches fishes. "Today's the day, I know I get lucky," He hoped. A huge shadow appeared above him, when he looked up. The boy stood shock, never in a million years did he expect to see what he just saw. "I didn't know we had three moon'cha." Was his last words, as the giant's backside crushed into the stream. The giant had been instantly killed, or at least KO'ed.  
  
Van made his way out of the giant's palm. He walked back into his house which hadn't been very far where the giant crashed at. "How was your day?" His father asked not hearing the sound of the huge boom dued to the fact. He been too involved in his work. "Fine," Van quickly answered running into his room. He slowly slid the treasure out from under his shirt. When he found out the golden cat statue had been broken in pieces he silently started crying to himself. "No, I'm poor again."   
  
The End  
  
---  
  
The camp fire burned brightly, Van stood dusting his bottom. "So did that story have a point?" Glenn asked confused. "As a matter of fact it did, never made an alien angry, or else!" Each member of the Chrono Cross Society looked towards the small blue alien, "Thhaaat RRRiiightt!!" Starky replied while shining his plasm gun. "So who's going next?" Serge asked. Each member looked towards one another. "I'll go," offered Glenn. "Okay here we go."  
  
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Well how did I do, I know it was pretty stupid. But please R&R. If I get a few good reviews. I'll write more fairy tale stories, and if it wasn't funny, I'm sorry. 


End file.
